A Podcast to inspire and motivate women in midlife! Let's Calm the Chaos in our lives so we can go after our purpose and passion!
If you have a story you’d like to share with our listeners, please contact me.
Subscribe Now and Never Miss an Episode!
In this episode of Calm the Chaos, my friend and fellow Airbnb host Dana turns the tables and interviews me about my new book: The Tell-All Guide to Airbnb Hosting, Proven Tips, and Tricks for Successful Hosting! I share what it’s really like to be an Airbnb host and the lessons I’ve learned!
In this interview, Dana digs into asking me what inspired me to write the book and what that process looked like for me throughout that journey
What inspired me to write the book is that my kids encouraged me to take it on and so many people thought that hosting was an easy job! I had many people think, “you just put a mattress in a corner and call it good”. That’s not all that is involved and not why Airbnb was created! Back in Airbnb’s humble beginnings, the purpose of the home-sharing concept was to give people traveling a welcoming home experience and have people experience local neighborhoods to get a true flavor of traveling to that area.
Dana goes on to ask me a bit about my home and what I make available to my guests. We then go on to discuss how this platform has played such an important part of my life being a single mom raising two children. At the time I started this journey, my kids were older and there was college to pay for, new roofs for the home, and other home improvement projects on the horizon. Besides being able to meet people from all over the world, the financial stability that came from home-sharing was important!
I will share some of the tips in the book on how to get started as a host and important things to think about for yourself before you embark on this journey! Things that will help you when the going gets tough, and you ask yourself “why am I doing this?” Because those moments will happen! In the book, I paint a realistic picture of hosting in your home but set you up for success by sharing stories and tips so you’ll learn from my years of experience!
In the conversation, I do share some specific instances of guests, their situations, and the lessons I learned along the way from their visit. Every guest comes with a lesson and it may surprise you!
Even if you are not thinking of hosting, this is a great conversation because it will help you to see how to be a great guest! Dana even asks me “ What makes a great guest when using Airbnb?” I share that in our conversation.
We end our conversation by discussing what it was like on the author’s journey! I had never written a book before and share how I reached out to numerous people for help! When I didn’t know how to do something, I found the person who could help! It’s important to just start the process. You don’t have to figure it all out ahead. Half the fun is not knowing which direction things are going to go. It’s important to have an open mind and be flexible to go “with the flow”.
Have I inspired you through this conversation to do something you’ve always wanted to do? It may not be to write a book and that’s just fine! Everyone has a unique journey but hopefully, you can learn from mine!
Ashley Holt is passionate about bringing women’s voices and leadership into the world! After facing divorce and becoming a single parent, Ashley reinvented her life and turned her pain into her power and purpose! She is the author of Goddess, Wake up! Through all of her books, Ashley’s mission is to empower others to claim their power, recognize their highest potential and live their best life!
We begin our conversation by jumping in to discuss Ashley’s journey through her divorce and how being introduced to positive affirmations changed her life! For Ashley, this was a “mind-blowing” transformation. Growing up, Ashley didn’t have a lot of confidence and felt very insecure. When she started using positive affirmations, it took her a while to get comfortable speaking those words into existence. What Ashely found was that they started to work! It was then that she started researching how these affirmations help to rewire the brain. She then began to listen to these affirmations while she slept. She then asked herself, why was she just learning this information? It was then that she started teaching these affirmations to her children.
She then started to incorporate these affirmations into children’s books so other children including her own would be exposed to these affirmations as well. Ashley started to share her stories at schools and libraries. As her children grew up she ventured into writing books for teens. Through her talks with teen girls, the mom’s would reach out and say that even they needed these messages and that’s how she eventually wrote books for adults.
Ashely then goes on to explain that during this time she realized that what she needed to do was to share how she got through her pain and begin sharing how she started to lie a life based on her potential instead of the pain. This became the seven steps to the goddess mindset transformation! The commitment to this transformation is that it takes five minutes per day. That’s not very long!
We then dive into the contents of her book. The 28- day goddess mindset transformation is based on the word G.O.D.D.E.S.S Each letter is an affirmation and teaching.
G– Get outside your comfort zone
O-Overcome negative self-talk
D-Dare to dream big
D– Declare your desires to the universe
S-Stand In your truth
S-Surrender to self-love
Ashley shares that towards the end of the 28 days, you will have gotten outside of your comfort zone and allowed yourself to see what is possible. You are beginning to not just dream but dream BIGGER!
When you think of a goddess, she stands in honor of her superpower and you can not take that away from her because it is her very essence. Ashley feels that we are all here with one special gift and we are supposed to shine into the world. We need to stop hiding that goddess within us because the world is waiting for it! What is your goddess superpower and how do you find it?
Ashley encourages us to stop playing small and unleash her inner goddess!
In this episode, Natalie Wester inspires us women in midlife so you too can live the life you love! Natalie is a solo international traveler and blogger who retired before sixty. She is now inspiring women in midlife to permit themselves to change the life they’ve been living so they can live a life they love!
After two careers and a season that was spurred by loss and a long-term relationship ending, Natalie decided she needed a change! On a trip to New Orleans Natalie had an encounter with three women who shared how they changed their lives and felt inspired to do the same. On the plane back to Cleveland, she thought that she would just retire! I mean why not? She then met with her financial planner and set in motion to retire the following year.
Natalie then embarked on a journey of visiting six countries in seventy days! This took around two and a half months and she took just one carry-on and had a budget of fifty dollars a day. Natalie shares how she felt the night before starting this journey and how she faced a panic attack and her fear of flying. She thought to herself, take one step at a time! I just need to get to Portugal! During her thirty-day stay in Portugal, Natalie began to feel more confident and was able to overcome her fear of traveling alone, getting lost, and her fear of heights. It was empowering for Natalie to feel that she could navigate this trip on her own!
Natalie shares with the listeners her most interesting experience within the seventy days which was her trip to Morocco. She shares about her hiking experience in the high Atlas mountains where she needed to get out of her comfort zone and face her fear of heights! The experience of being in the home of a Berber family and sharing a beautiful meal and the sunset on the drive back was one of her highlights and made her get out of her comfort zone.
We then go on to discuss how Natalie has an interest when she turns 65 to move to Portugal and how she landed on this location. With all of her criteria, Portugal checks all of her boxes!
Natalie then goes on to share how she started her Instagram account as a way to stay connected to her family and friends back home. She then went on to sign up for a class and took a course on creating a website. And there her blog was born! The response to her blog has been very encouraging and the private emails from people regarding her content has been very gratifying. She is so glad she faced her fear and hit “launch” on her site! Being authentic and unfiltered is difficult and you do put yourself out there when you are creating content for a blog or social media! She has been finding her voice and the confidence to be increasingly transparent.
I then ask Natalie to share about being state teacher of the year and her meeting with President Obama. This is on her website and felt that it was important to recognize this accomplishment and her experience at the Oval Office. ( Way to go Natalie! Let your light shine! )
Natalie goes on to share about her midlife re-imagined apprenticeship to become a whiskey distillery intern. It was her curiosity in learning more about whiskey distilling that she began to figure out a way for her to learn in a real-world environment. It was then that she spoke to the CEO of Cleveland Whiskey and created her position. She then started a twelve-week program! She has been learning a lot about herself and the business. She doesn’t yet know what she will be doing with all this knowledge but she doesn’t need to have it figured out yet! Natalie is having a good time, learning something she has a passion for, and is ok not having all the answers!
You don’t need to travel solo for seventy days to find Natalie’s interview inspiring. Her message is all about moving forward and facing your fears! Now let’s get moving!
Tony Loyd is a leadership development expert who helps people who are frozen and frustrated in their careers and aspires them to be purpose-driven leaders! Oftentimes, people may feel inspired but stuck. He helps people develop a bridge from an idea to innovation to impact!
Tony’s podcast, Social Entrepreneur is about interviewing people who are making a dollar and a difference. These are people who are making money but the money is in service to that mission. Tony goes on to share some of these people who he has interviewed and how they are making a difference. Even though Tony interviews individuals worldwide, he provides two examples in his local community which are inspiring!
To help people in this process of creating something bigger than themselves, he asks his clients the following questions
What breaks your heart?
What inspires you?
Those answers are the clues for what you can do in the world!
The next question is
What unique strengths and abilities do you bring to the table?
Tony goes on to share what he would say to the woman in midlife who feels that it’s too late for them to tackle anything that is inspirational or imaginative. Tony then goes on to share how by tackling the questions above and taking baby steps is your first step to making things happen. Ask yourself, what is my one-month, ninety-day plan, and then one year plan. Last but not least, what are the daily habits that are going to get me there? Remember, if you take small actions every day then you can make a lot of progress!
You have value in the world! Stand firm and tall! Burning out your candle doesn’t make anybody else’s candle burn any brighter. Tony then goes on to encourage all the listeners that if you have something to share that now is the time. We need you more than ever to shine your light and stand tall!
We then go on to discuss Tony’s book: Crazy Good Advice, Ten Lessons Learned from 150 Leading Social Entrepreneurs. He took what he learned from the 150 people interviewed and boiled it down to the ten pieces of advice that was given repeatedly. During this process, he came up with one sentence “miracles find you while you’re in motion”. If you are sitting still, then these moments or miracles can not find you. It’s when you go in to motion that you run into those little moments of serendipity. So miracles find you while you are in motion. Don’t you love that?
Alison Wearing is a best-selling author, playwright, and performer. She is also the creator and facilitator of Memoir Writing Ink. In our conversation, Alison shares how she guides people through the process of transforming personal stories into a memoir.
Alison shares her background as a full-time writer and her thoughts and feeling which surround that journey in calling herself a full-time writer! She mentions how writing letters in lieu of conversations helped her to realize that she was a writer when she received some feedback on a letter sent to a former professor. They encouraged her to submit it to the newspaper and how once it was published, she had this feeling of shock and began to see herself as a writer.
She then began being interested and traveled to places that seemed to cast some darkness to see what she could find. Her travels took her to Serbia and Iran amongst many places. Alison’s writings about her travels in Iran led to her first book. She then goes on to share about her journey after that book and how that process was for her mentally and emotionally.
Alison then goes on to share how conducting a public reading in Mexico lead someone to suggest that she do some theater which she hadn’t considered because she felt that she was a writer. ( the stories we tell ourselves ) We talk more about the labels we give ourselves and how often they limit us. The next thing she knew after doing some thinking, she then created a show and began performing a one-woman show across the country! This adventure led to her creating another performance based on her book: Confessions of a Fairy Daughter.
We dive into speaking further about the labels we give ourselves and how that affected Alison and how imposter syndrome haunts so many people, especially women. She shares a couple of stories of when someone asks her what she does, she had a hard time saying that she actually is a writer or does theater. Have you had this happen to you where you wanted to own a new story for yourself but had a difficult time shouting it from the rooftops? Alison recalls a time when she began making a full-time living at acting and yet had a hard time saying out loud that she was an actor.
Alison shares how she started her program Memoir Writing Inc. She was asked to teach a series of masterclasses regarding English and writing. Not having ever taught, Alison embraced the opportunity to do something uncomfortable that frightened her. It felt right at this time to move into the discomfort as she believes that’s where the energy is in the process and that’s where the mystery unfolds. She said YES! Then began figuring out how to do this. ( A big YES for Alison! ) She shares what this process looked like for getting ready for this next journey. From there Alison began organizing her own retreats and taught more. When she would perform, she would give a workshop the next day and the workshops became more of what she did and she enjoyed it more and more. Soon the writing retreats were in France and Mexico.
( Anyone ready to sign up yet? Sounds fun! )
She found in the classes that people had a similar set of obstacles when people began writing their memoirs and she was beginning to cover the same type of information. It was then that Alison began saying the same thing over and over again so thought “ I should record myself saying these things so that I can have their basic questions answered”. This is how the process began with the workshops. She thought that she would love to make this available to anyone, anywhere so they don’t need to come to the workshop and could complete the material on their own time. Her workshop is now a twelve-week program that is comprehensive. Not only is it an online program but she does offer an online community so there is live support with Q & A‘s so you have the opportunity to interact and get feedback.
Alison finds her work teaching her memoir classes very rewarding. Her greatest joy is waking up and opening an email from a student who shares a breakthrough in their writing. Or to say that they just finished their project.
We then go on to chat about why people find it so important to write a memoir. The value of writing the story is not whether or not it gets published, the value is in the “excavation of it”. One of the great primal urges in human existence is to know and understand ourselves. Perhaps that is why getting our lives on paper is so important. When we know ourselves, then we are fuller and richer people. Not just for ourselves but for everyone we come into contact with in our journey. These are Alison’s actual words that she shares and I felt that it was very interesting to share regarding this need to capture our “time”.
Our discussion about writing a memoir takes an interesting turn where Alison shares how when writing your story down, you begin to feel removed from the story and there is an unexpected “liberation” in the process. You begin to take “my story” into “a story”. It no longer defines us in the same way. The story has shaped us but we are so much more than our story and we are more than the story of what happened to us.
You may be asking where do I start when writing my memoir? The challenge is not what to write about. It more what NOT to write about so you have a central theme that can emerge. We are looking for a higher purpose to the story. Alison shares that’s what we’re looking for when we re-examine our life. We are looking and making meaning of our life.
We wrap up our conversation by talking about the literary contest which Alison is running on her site. It is in honor of a woman that attended her retreat in France in 2019. She was 34 years old, Amy McCray and she was writing about a terminal diagnosis that she had received. Alison created a literary prize in her honor to raise money for her living legacy which raises funds for ovarian cancer research.
I ask Alison if there is anything else she would like to share with the listeners and she mentions how much she loves being a woman in midlife and wouldn’t want to go back! She shares that for many of us the expectations of the “should do’s” begin to fall away which is really nice. She also feels that she has so much more to offer the world than when she was 25 or 30.
Kat Vellos is a connection coach and trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships! This was perfect timing as I just posted on my blog a post about Making Friends in midlife! Kat cares about connection and having high-quality interactions. Over the years she has facilitated many groups and workshops.
It was after her move to the bay area in California did she notice that it was difficult to establish ongoing friendships. Kat then noticed that others were having the same challenge and she became curious and started to do some research and conduct some interviews to understand why this happens to people. And more importantly, why do we care about it!
We dive into talking a bit about introverts and extroverts and how each type of person has different ways of getting their social needs met and it’s important to recognize that as you move forward in your journey.
Kat shares with the listeners what surprised her the most about her research was how many people said that they struggled to make friends in adulthood and found it difficult to connect with others. We then discuss how a lot of the ways we developed relationships when we were younger are not relevant as we get older and our circumstances change. Our conversation moves into how if you have children their relationships bring you into proximity to other adults and those friendships happen naturally and as times progress if you don’t “name” the relationship and say you want to work on it then it drifts away. A very natural process that I too have experienced with both my kids over the years. Our lives change and evolve and some of these relationships move to different stages. As we now look for friendships in midlife, seeking out friends where we are in the same proximity is a great place to start!
Kat then gives us some advice on not giving up on relationships too soon. Perhaps you’ve extended an overture to someone to have coffee and maybe it went well or was rocky. Cultivating a new friendship is like dating. You need to give it a couple of opportunities for the energy to thrive! She reminds us that the same advice that applies in a dating relationship applies in a platonic relationship! Give it a two-date minimum and give each other enough space and grace to show up. Kat shares that Jeffery Hall’s research says it takes between 90 and 200 hours to convert a stranger into a best friend. And it needs to be 90 hours in the first three months of meeting each other! Now that’s commitment.
We go on to discuss that everything doesn’t need to feel orchestrated or a big event that is stressful to put on the calendar. It can be a bite-size at a time that you are reaching out to connect. A 30-minute coffee chat or a short walk is a great way to connect. You don’t need to commit to a three-hour lunch. Kat gives some great tips on how to create some touchpoints with new friends so you can learn more about each other and cultivate those meaningful connections! She describes this as finding ways to weave your life together. I love that phrase. It’s so fun to think about how you can start weaving another person into your life? Do you have someone in mind right now where you’d like to take that first step and begin to “date”?
Kat goes on to share different ideas on how you can weave various touchpoints into each other’s lives. She has some very creative ways to share. She looks at these as “friendship connection activities”. It might even involve art or music. Just to give you some ideas which she elaborates in the interview. Some fun creative ideas.
We then discuss how reigniting old friendships is a great way to cultivate some connection that you may be wanting in your life. That person already knows you and you have a common history that just needs to be brought up to speed. These people already have context about where you come from and what your life has looked like so far. There is already a built-in appreciation, familiarity, love, and trust that is fertile ground to resprout!
Kat then discusses her book: We Should Get Together and shares some of the most surprising comments she has received from readers. She also shares about how some are guilty of not making time with their friends because they are defaulting all their time to spend with a partner. There are still ways to connect with friends if you do feel that your time is being stretched in other directions and you still want to be intentional about weaving in connections. Kat shares some great tips for bridging the gap.
During our conversation, Kat shares about the Connection Club on her website which she started in the summer of 2020. This was a result of her research and people wanting to stay in touch with their friends but being very busy. This is an opportunity for people to get together as a group virtually and write letters and cards to the people that we care about. It’s scheduled and on the calendar. Who wouldn’t appreciate that? Kat also has another group called: Here to make friends. This is a group for people who want to make friends. She shares all the details about how this group is run and the benefits of being a member. It sounds like a great place to connect and build some new friendships!
One last nugget that Kat shares is to be mindful of what type of connection you need. Who are the people that are most likely to help you meet that need? There are all different types of connections and there is no one-size-fits-all for every human being. It’s so important to know yourself and what you have to offer a friend and be generous with that too!
We also dive a bit into discussing how to manage yourself and your social life while getting back into socializing and connecting with friends after a year we had in 2020. It’s ok to listen to your true needs and honor them. And be compassionate with yourself.