A Podcast to inspire and motivate women in midlife! Let's Calm the Chaos in our lives so we can go after our purpose and passion!
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Welcome back to Calm the Chaos! You are listening to Episode 106 and today my guest is ME! Yes, that’s right today I’ll be doing all the talking! And…. it’s a big day as today marks the 2nd year anniversary of producing the podcast Calm the Chaos!
I decided to do this episode solo because for most of you listening you may just see me as a podcast interviewer of other subject matter experts! But.. I am first and foremost a coach for women over forty and I guide them on a journey to transform their lives!
What does that mean exactly?
Many women first reach out to me when they need some career guidance. Maybe they are wanting a job change or re-entering the job market after having been absent for some time while raising a family. When we get into working on this area a lot comes up for clients surrounding mindset and how they feel about themselves. I challenge them on how they are thinking about themselves and some of the beliefs that are holding them back from moving forward in all areas of their lives!
Today, I wanted to talk to you about celebrating! How are you celebrating YOU? If you are listening to this podcast, I am assuming that you are a woman over 40!
When you take a look back at your past self over the years, what have you done where you can now say Thank you! What moments would you like to thank that person that sculpted you into who you are today?
Perhaps it’s thanking your past self for taking that certification, entering a partnership with someone you love, helping someone else with their challenges, getting that diploma, raising children, trips you went on, the courage to get out of your comfort zone and join an organization, the opportunity to care for my parents, putting up with that annoying boss so you could finally get the position of your dreams! What do you want to say to your former self?
Today I would like for you to write a letter to your past self and say thank you! What will you say to yourself? It doesn’t need to be a long letter. Take a couple of minutes to write down your first thoughts. We call this a brain download. There is no right or wrong way to write this letter! Pour your favorite beverage, get cozy in your chair and have some fun with this exercise!
Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have. How you treat and talk to yourself, and think about yourself is key to having a healthy relationship mentally, emotionally, and physically.
If we only focus on everything and everyone but ourselves, we drain the cup which leaves us little to pour to the rest of the world. Is that really fair to you and everyone else?
I want you to be gracious with your past self in how you are doing today. Don’t beat yourself up for the past or the realization that things haven’t worked out the way you hoped back then. Take the opportunity now to be present and start building a better relationship with yourself.
One way to cultivate a better relationship with ourselves is through acknowledging the gifts and moments in our past.
For me, I am thankful that I had the opportunity to raise two beautiful children. And, that I am staying focused on serving my clients and grateful for all those who are helping me!
Now.. let’s turn our attention to the Celebration! I want you to take a look at the letter you wrote to yourself!
What are you most proud of? Was there a moment where your energy flowed and you said to yourself “job well done”. Perhaps it was how you made an impact or how you handled a challenging season.
Now I want you to stop and go to a special place for you. It could be in your home or outside at a park. I call it your “happy place”. Take the opportunity to step out of your routine for just a few minutes. This is time for you to disengage from your routine!
Now we are going to commemorate the moment! Make a toast, say a prayer, treat yourself to a favorite beverage, light a candle or have that slice of cake!
In life, we need to have a moment where we fill up the gas tank! By taking a moment to acknowledge a moment or moments that were significant and special to us, it breeds positive energy and motivation to continue. We then will feel more self-confident in tackling new goals and areas of our lives when we feel unsure.
Many women I work with have a hard time with this exercise because we often don’t take the time to stop, look back and pat ourselves on the back. Until we sit down and write that letter we may hold onto that sticking thinking that we haven’t “done much”. And that’s nonsense! We are all unique with many experiences that shape us into who we are today! It’s time to recognize those moments, acknowledge and celebrate!
I hope this episode today will help you to get a perspective on your past self and all the many circumstances that have shaped you into who you are today! I would love to hear what resonated for you and how you took a moment to celebrate!
Today, I will be lighting a candle and remembering all the weekend mornings where I was in my office either interviewing, editing this podcast, putting the show notes together, or updating the website! It’s a journey that requires a lot of discipline but in the end, has been worth it! I have been meeting wonderful people from all over the world who are helping my listeners to calm the chaos!
I continue to do this podcast because I truly believe that if we can calm the chaos in our lives then we are better able to hear our inner desires! I am going to celebrate and thank you all for being here each week to learn and grow!
If you feel that this podcast is a weekly gift to your life then I would ask that you take a moment today and rate, review and subscribe to the podcast! Then take a screenshot and share it with three of your closest friends!
Would you like to see more coaching like this on the podcast? Let me know! Drop me a note from my website www.deborahvoll.com using the contact me form! I would love to hear! I am constantly growing and evolving with my coaching and the podcast! This show each week is for YOU and I would love to hear what type of support you need!
Just as a reminder there are multiple resources on my website that you can access if you are looking for some support in your journey! Jump over and subscribe to my email list, take the Quiz and see if you are ready for your next chapter!
Lisbeth “Lis” McKinley, is a Certified Professional Organizer, move manager, public speaker, and owner of LET’S MAKE ROOM, LLC based in Oakland, California, now in its 12th year of operation.
Lis, along with her team at LET’S MAKE ROOM, helps clients achieve their unique vision of the organization, before or after moving, remodeling, or refreshing and unclutter their living, work, and storage areas.
Lis speaks to both professional and community groups about downsizing, organizing, productivity, and paper management. Her talks have inspired hundreds of people to enjoy their lives with less and get more done.
Lis is from New York City, holds a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology, and lives in Oakland with her husband, three cats, and a Chihuahua.
Lis is a returning guest to the podcast who today shares how she is helping her community. Today we talk about downsizing and how to let go of years of stuff without the tears! At the start of the year many people have decluttering and organizing in mind so this is a timely interview to get you focused if this is your intention!
She shares that often we accumulate the stuff of no fault of our own. For many, it can be the circumstances of losing a spouse or caretaking for someone and things got worse. It’s a challenge facing a lot of people in this country and she is happy she can be there in person or virtually to help them through the process.
Acknowledging that you will need to make a lot of decisions when going through this process is an understatement! I recently took some time to go through some rooms with the theme of downsizing and had to make some difficult decisions. Lis shares that clutter is nothing more than delayed decision-making! The decisions are often delayed because we don’t know what to ask ourselves. Her role is to ask those important questions which support their end goal.
Lis walks us through some important questions to ask ourselves and shares a poem that one of her clients wrote that may help you get a different perspective
Do You Love It?
If I saw it again in a store would I buy it?
Does it suit who I am now? ( Are there things associated with a past life? )
Yearning for a new way will not produce it. Only ending the old way can do that. You cannot hold onto the old, all the while declaring that you want something new. The old will defy the new, the old will deny the new, the old will decry the new. There is only one way to bring in the new, you must make room for it.
Lis shares the process of how she helps her clients to downsize by doing all of the sortings of the items by category and then having them go on a “reverse” shopping trip! This makes the process easier for what they do want to keep and move forward in their next chapter! The client is only involved in the “editing” process.
During our conversation Lis shares a personal experience of making a difficult decision about how to let go of a record collection and how she worked through that process. This helps us to see that everyone has this challenge and it can take time and asking the right questions. It’s a beautiful story and a great teaching moment about letting go of the hard things in our home!
We also talk about how when we let go of things in our home it makes room for many other opportunities and we do feel lighter and better prepared to spend time doing other things rather than managing our “stuff”. Lis encourages us to imagine what our life will feel like when our project is all done. What are you doing this for? How will that make you feel? What are the values that you relate to and how do they align with your organizing goals.
Lis shares with us some fun and creative ways to get rid of the stuff once you’ve managed to go through your personal items. These are great ways to contribute and support your community!
Theresa Levine lives in Davidsonville, Maryland with her husband Jeff and their four boys. As an entrepreneur with a background in psychology, nutrition, and fitness, she has been helping women work on various aspects of their mental and physical health for over 25 years.
Her struggles with ADHD, trauma, and the chaos and overwhelm of being a mompreneur with big goals and responsibilities led her to learn how to cultivate the success, clarity, and inner peace that used to feel so elusive to her. Using a unique blend of Energy, Psychology, EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Tapping, and Strategy, Theresa empowers other mompreneurs to overcome anxiety, distractions, and limiting patterns so they can feel happy, present, and fulfilled as they align their beliefs, actions, values and vision for the business and daily life!
In my conversation with Theresa, we start by discussing her journey and how she raised her boys and recognized through their lives that they had ADHD. It was then that she noticed some patterns and had herself tested and diagnosed. So for her, it’s been a process of understanding and finding ways to manage their diagnosis. Theresa looks at ADHD as a gift! She feels that is where all of her creativity and curiosity come from throughout the day as her mind takes these little journeys. What a great way to flip something that can seem overwhelming into something positive and empowering!
Theresa shares how she discovered EFT and how she uses its principles to help with focus and shifting thoughts and energy within our mind and body! While working in her networking marketing business, she attended a seminar where they had someone come in for the day and teach EFT tapping, The day focused on teaching the basics and how to use it to relieve stress and anxiety. It was that day that she realized that she could be using these techniques for so many more areas of her life and this modality could be the answer for her! It was then that Theresa knew that she had to explore it further and enrolled in getting certified as an EFT Practioner. Attending that seminar with curiosity and an open mind was truly transformational! How she felt after the seminar was amazing and didn’t need to understand how it worked but just knew it worked!
During our discussion, Theresa walks us through how to do EFT Tapping by explaining that by tapping certain meridian points on our body we can release pain and negativity in the body. She explains each tapping point on our body and how easy it can be and can be done almost anywhere! Even without people noticing which is amazing as we can do this in a public setting when we may feel anxious, nervous, or angry about a specific situation. Theresa also shared how she used EFT tapping prior to getting on the podcast interview today to help her feel grounded, focused, and positive about how she would be showing up and contributing to the interview.
Theresa shares that tapping for just ten minutes a day can lower your stress hormone cortisol by up to 43%! Cortisol can have a tremendous impact on our mind and body so why not try something that can lower those levels?
With tapping comes incorporating a mantra and we discuss how to decide what mantra you need to use in combination with your tapping. Theresa advised starting with the problem you are experiencing.
For Example: Even though I feel anxious about ______________, I deeply love, accept, and forgive myself. She repeats this mantra three times with a nice deep inhale through the nose and exhales through the mouth. It’s important to keep your mantra simple. It’s also important to be specific because it helps to hunt down those blockages and specifically remove them. It’s important that we honor the feeling and accept ourselves! It’s also important to access at the beginning of your tapping how you feel on a scale of 1-10 and then how you feel after the tapping. This will help you to gauge your success.
We discuss that tapping can be used anywhere and for a lot of different reasons! Fear of flying, heights, spiders, venting to others about your day! Just by tapping different points of the body, you can release the fear and negativity you are feeling and be able to move forward!
Theresa feels that when setting goals and reaching forward it’s important to reach backward and learn from the lessons. We need to honor where we’ve come from and how much we have already accomplished. Sometimes we may experience goal trauma in setting goals which makes us fearful of trying again or setting too aggressive of a goal. We walk through the seven Chakras in our body and how when we declare a goal, it moves from the of our head ( crown chakra ) to the root chakra and working that goal through all of the different chakra systems so you can internalize it. Theresa starts with the root chakra because that’s where all of our feeling of unsafety are hiking and need to be released in order for us to move forward. If we don’t have a safe place for each of these stages for the goal to manifest then it cannot become physical.
Our lives can be busy and crazy at times and it’s important to have a good coping mechanism to deal with these circumstances and triggers. It’s also important to deal with our feeling and work through them because if we don’t then we will end up creating more chaos for ourselves and could possibly make ourselves physically ill. Perhaps now is a good time for you to discover EFT tapping?
Sheena Nancy Sarles is a lifelong student of well-being in body, mind, and spirit. She is a certified Yoga instructor, a Holistic Life Coach, a Reiki practitioner., and has been called, a serial entrepreneur! From her life experiences, she has followed an organic path. As she became aware of her own aging, she created Growing Younger Gracefully™ workshops, classes, and newsletters to address how we can age and enjoy the process. From there, she curated her studies and practice of well-being in her book, “Growing Younger Gracefully: Your Guide to Aging with Vitality, Resilience, and Pizzazz”.
We start at the very beginning of her journey since she has such a long list of accomplishments! Sheena started out in a career in public relations and fundraising but became interested in yoga. She thought that in her late forties perhaps dancing was a little hard on her body! So, she got into Yoga and from there started to think about aging. As an anti-aging person, she thought of this process as a gift. How can she approach aging differently for herself and others?
Sheena continued to study and do research to explore how to look at aging in a positive and healthy way. It’s not a disease that needs to be fixed or something to remedy. It’s something we have and we want to enjoy it as long as we can!
It was then that her friends encouraged her to give a class so she jumped right in and then asked herself, “what have I done!”. She started teaching and her classes began to grow in popularity. For Sheena, she reminds us that when we are in our youth we are growing, learning, and curious and that doesn’t need to stop as we are aging. She asks, “how can we do this with some elegance?”
From there Sheena created Growing Younger Gracefully and it became workshops.
Her pillars for students are
Through this journey, Sheena continued to look for healthy organic products and soon realized that many products include chemicals and high costs. She then started to do more research and experimenting and created her own facial serum which she began using and sharing with family and friends. From her facial serum, she then launched a body serum
As Sheena continued to go through this process she began to be curious and confident and would then say, “you know what? Let’s put it out there and see what happens!” She wasn’t intimidated by failure but motivated by success!
We then discuss how Yoga helped Sheena when she suffered the loss of her mom and dad and that breathing through Yoga poses could help her grieve but still be present. It didn’t take the pain and grief away but it helped her find a “place to be”. Sheena incurred more loss in her life and it was then that she was in a grief writing workshop at the local hospital wherein a response to a question about her grief, she invited everyone to open up to healing through a pose, and from there she started to teach yoga for hearing loss.
It’s wonderful to see how Sheena has turned a tremendous amount of pain into something purposeful. Not only to help herself but to serve others.
Sheena shares about her Tuesday evening Free Zoom Group that she makes available to her community where you can drop into her group and experience one of her sessions.
She reminds up to keep alive and active and not be fearful but to really enjoy our aging.
During our conversation, we discuss some of Sheena’s blog articles and talked about rituals and the importance of having rituals in our lives. It helps us to create meaning in our lives. It’s a wonderful discussion and will prompt you to think about rituals perhaps you have each day without realizing it.
For more than four years, Pam Lamp has explored one new thing every single day! On her website, Who I met today, she writes about these discoveries and the wonderful people she’s met along the way. Pam loves a good book, the beach, and is an animal person. Pam lives in Nashville with her husband.
Pam shares that her journey began back when her kids were grown and she and her husband moved from Houston, Texas after twenty years to Nashville. This happened in her late fifties and she found the move a difficult adjustment. It was one morning where she thought that she would get up every morning and do one new thing every single day! She hoped that by doing this that she would meet new people and create a sense of community. At the time, she didn’t know where this would take her but she thought that she needed to get out there and get involved! For Pam, a new job was not in the cards as she wanted to be available to her elderly parents and her kids were in different cities so she wanted flexibility in her life!
She started by reading local magazines and Googling different things to do and she created her list! The items to do each day didn’t have to be big events! Some days she would go take a walk in the park or check out a bookstore. What Pam found is that it gave her something to talk about at the dinner table with her husband and her world expanded!
One day, Pam’s husband asked, “if you could do anything, what would you want to do?” Pam replied that she wanted to meet people and write up their stories! He then said, “why don’t you do it?” So in 2017, she started her website and began telling her story! For Pam, this has been the biggest gift of her life.
Pam shares how she didn’t have a plan and was scared to death! She shares about her first interview where she faced her fear and not only had a great conversation but had the time of her life! She shares how she tackled those limiting beliefs that can come up for us when we are trying something new. For Pam, she focused on taking that next step. She has also developed a “thicker skin” for putting herself out there to ask for interviews but she still gets a bit fearful but the more interviews she completes she is getting more comfortable and confident!
How does Pam decide who she interviews? It’s all about being curious! If she is curious about a topic or someone then that’s the direction she heads and Pam shares a couple of examples in our interview. She does focus on positive stories as she feels there is enough negativity in the world. Pam also shares some of her stories on her blog and people she has on her list to ask in the future!
Pam has created a series called the Orchid Series which are articles about women who are over 75 years young! The common thread that Pam has found in writing their stories is that finding your purpose is so important and keeping engaged with something as you get older is key.
She also shares what is was like at the beginning of her journey when she created her website and was vulnerable in the process of sharing her writing and stories. For a lot of women, they have a book of stories to share and this can be a hurdle that needs to be overcome by looking at the mindset, and Pam shares what worked for her. She also shares overcoming the technical hurdle in creating a website.
Pam shares what she has learned about herself through her journey, “ You need to make yourself happy. You can’t rely on other people to make you happy.” She is also less anxious having a passion and something she can not wait to get up and do in the morning. Pam finds that if she focuses on doing the next right thing then you don’t have to worry so much about the outcome and the “what if’s”.
Rachel Arbuckle is a Navy Veteran, wife, mom, and founder of 2000 Paces Photo Organizing. After a series of fires forced her family to evacuate and leave behind photo memories that were scattered throughout their home, Rachel was motivated to help others spend less time worrying about organizing and protecting their memories and more time making them.
In 2014, a series of fierce fires roared through San Diego County, the largest of which started on the mountain just behind Rachel’s home. She had only minutes to grab a few items. Her instinct was to gather all of our photos, but she panicked when she realized her precious memories were all over the home in boxes, picture frames, and albums. She ended up grabbing what she could as her family headed to safety.
After many days of worry, she was able to return home to the memories we had to leave behind. Thankfully, her home was spared, but others in our community were not as fortunate.
This experience not only solidified her commitment to protecting her family’s collection of photos but prompted her to found 2000 Paces Photo Organizing, encouraging people to organize and protect important memories.
After the fire, Rachel came back home and followed through on her commitment to getting her family’s photo memories organized and then ultimately left corporate America to start her own business. This was an unexpected turn of events and for her at some point was terrifying. She continued to focus on what she could accomplish for other people! What are their needs, what solutions do we need to make sure that we care about servicing them the way they need to be. Then one day after a lot of hard work, she realized that she was creating a successful business! It was from there that her business began to develop and she needed to learn more about the managing of the business.
We dive into the process of what to do with all these photos that are either in albums or boxes! Rachel recommends starting by putting everything in one place and taking an inventory of what you have on hand. Pull everything out of every nook and cranny! She reminds us that it took years to create all these memories and they are not going to get organized overnight! Take a look and weed out the duplicates and then the photos where you don’t know who the people are in the photo! Then ask yourself, What are your goals with your photos? What do I want to accomplish?
Rachel shares with us the unique approach her team takes with every client to ensure that your photos are handled with care and they are meeting your goals. How they may organize your photos may be different from how mine would be organized. There is a consult and interview process to make sure that you are creating a relationship with the person who will be handling your job.
We discuss some stories about work she has done for other clients over the years and share that a lot of her clients will say, “I wish I had asked my mom about these pictures sooner” We always think there is more time. More time to ask, more time to organize, and more time to share.
Rachel gives us permission to throw out those photos where we don’t remember who the people are or the event was not significant to us. ( That’s why it’s so important to ask questions now while those that are still with us can share about those memories )
All of Rachel’s employees are trained through a specific process and handle a mock project prior to taking on a client. When you go to engage with them you are assigned a photo manager so there is one person who is rocking on your project through the entire process.
I ask Rachel how leaving corporate America and forming this business has changed her life! She says it’s hard to remember what her life was like before she started her company. It’s something she and her team have created and that she is proud of their accomplishments! For her, it’s exciting to be a business owner but at the same time, there is a huge responsibility as people are counting on you. Not only the employees but their families.
Rachel loves mentoring and providing feedback to her team. At some point, we all need to work so why not be working at something we love? She is now working harder than she did in her corporate job but it’s something she is passionate about and she is having fun while making an impact!